I'm Going to Cry Today

I don’t remember exactly when it happened, but it must have been from a very young age, I just stopped expressing emotion. Not all emotion, anger, annoyance and sarcasm don’t seem to have a problem spewing forth from me, no, I just don’t want people to see me get super excited for someone or something, I definitely don’t want then to see me cry, that would be awful. I have never wondered about why I don’t like to display the positive emotion as readily as the negative, until now. Wait a sec, I need to get comfortable on this here couch, do you have your pen and paper, take notes, the therapy session is about to begin.

Displaying emotions like excitement, fear, love, happiness would make it easier for someone else to take advantage of me, play me, control me. Where as, being angry, sarcastic and to the point no holds barred, makes me in control, makes you fear me and perhaps makes you respect me a little more. Truth be told, I am really not an angry person, I just don’t like to look foolish, and for some reason, crying at the smallest thing, be it joyful tears or sad ones, always seemed a little foolish.

I decided today that that is a bunch of crap. Did you hear me? I said crap! I am going to get super excited over the things that make me super excited, and I am going to cry, while I am sitting at my desk at work when I read something that breaks my heart.

Thanks for listening Dr. Blog Reader. Bill me.