I Forgot

I forgot that today is Wednesday. That means, I forget to weigh in. I have no idea how many sticks of butter I am down. So much for accountability. We are only two weeks in and I am already forgetting to do what I am supposed to. Just like I forgot to go the gym, and I forgot that Cheese Stix are not a diet food. Oh well, there's always next week. Maybe I will start participating in Not Me Monday. I am pretty sure that gym time and diet food will be hard to find over the next few days. Visitors in town, Emma's fifth birthday party. I plan on eating cake. How could I not?

A Pound of Butter, No More No Less

Did you know, that one pound of fat equals four sticks of butter? With this new found information, I have decided that I will no longer refer to my weight loss in pounds, rather, I will measure in units of butter. There are two reasons why I like this idea. First, it sounds like I lost more weight. Mindtrick. That way, when I only lose one pound, I can refer to it as four sticks, making my weight loss seem grander, in my head. Second, visually, four sticks of butter is a lot of butter. Imagine if I really worked my ass off and lost 10 pounds in one week, Biggest Loser style, that's 40 sticks of butter. That's a lot of damn butter. Imagine eating that many sticks of butter, imagine carrying that butter from place to place. Imagine that butter glued to your body, because that's what it looks like, on you, right now. If you happen to be in the same state of fluffiness that I currently reside in that is.

So currently, I have lost 20 sticks of butter. Oh man, I love how that sounds.

Confessions

I have a confession. The title of this blog does have the word "confessions" in it after all. I'm fluffy. Not fat, or overweight or even puffy. I am just a fluffy girl. I haven't always been fluffy, I go through phases. Phase one is firm, continuing down the line are semi-firm, semi-soft, soft, fluffy, and fluffiest. I am not in my fluffiest phase by far. That occurred while I was pregnant five years ago, and unless I am with child once more, I had better not ever see fluffiest ever again. I am currently just fluffy. Why do I make this confession to you? Because I would like to attain firmness once more. That is why Wednesday is now "Weight Loss Wednesday". I chose that name for its alliterative qualities. I suppose I could have gone with "Fluffy Friday", which would have been cuter but eventually, I'll have to change it to "Toned Tuesday" not so cute.

I felt compelled to share with you because I know you will keep me accountable by asking me how much weight I've lost, or how much weight do I need to lose, or by clutching your heart in horror and saying "I can't believe you have to lose that much weight, I had no idea you were a big "fluffy" cow of a woman!". I prefer the latter of those comments due to the bluntness as I have found it best not to sugarcoat the situation.

So henceforth (a word not used often enough in modern society), I will be confessing to you about my fluffy ass. But only on Wednesdays, I thought that to be most courteous of me.